speaking of amy grant

For me, this is long overdue.  I’m not sure why I’ve been keeping my love for Amy Grant a secret on this blog.  Maybe I thought it unnecessary what with the mulatto diaries vlog #72 thanking God for Amy Grant through tears and laughter.  It just doesn’t seem right though. The obsession has faded, the nostalgia and admiration remain.  The blog seems incomplete without some sort of acknowledgement.  So here it is.

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Finding one’s way, learning to value the truth as a nonnegotiable plumb line, experiencing the consequences of violating the laws of nature or the laws of the Spirit, exercising free will, and realizing one’s own impact on and in the world- these are all included in the sometimes painful lessons of life, and most of these must be learned firsthand.- Amy Grant

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This is trust:  doing what you believe you are called to do and trusting that God will provide.  But here’s where it gets personal:  God provides through people.  Am I willing to be connected to the people in my world, the people at work, the people in my house, the people I encounter in everyday patterns of living?  Am I open to the possibility of my life, my gifts, touching another life?  My life touching another, the domino effect of God’s goodness rippling through so many other lives, is a powerful, far-reaching concept.

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You can still cut loose and have a great time, but part of you has to say, “I will take life with open eyes and a thinking mind, and not as self-centered as I was as a child”. When you start looking at life that way you realize that issues on every level on every continent do have an effect on your life.

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If you went to your closet today, would you pull out the same outfit you wore 10 or 15 years ago? You wear feelings and faith differently as well.

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But my experience is that people who have been through painful, difficult times are filled with compassion.

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You do your best, you do all this stuff, but the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

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I think that if my kids are completely convinced of God`s unfailing love for them, whether they fail or not, they`ll have confidence to persevere in life.

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To me, the human experience does involve a great deal of anguish.  It’s joyful, but it’s bittersweet.  I just think that’s life.

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Without black, no color has any depth. But if you mix black with everything, suddenly there`s shadow – no, not just shadow, but fullness. You`ve got to be willing to mix black into your palette if you want to create something that`s real.

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There’s a beauty to wisdom and experience that cannot be faked. It`s impossible to be mature without having lived.
image.aspx(2nd best Christmas album ever!)
Ok, so I spent a LOT of time looking at pictures of Amy Grant on the internet for this.  Unfortunately most of my old favs were taken before the days of digital photography, so most of them could not be found.  Those that I did find were scanned or photos of photos.  I just have to put a few up anyway because most of my wardrobe in the early 90’s was purchased in an attempt to be just like Amy Grant.  Looking at these pics answered a few personal “what was I thinking!”‘s.
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I remember the day this People magazine came out!  I nearly burned a hole in this picture which hung in my locker(s) for the next 2 years.  And yes, I managed to find myself a sweater like that.  If only I’d known I had curly hair…

inspired by mad men…sort of

I’ve actually been planning to blog this for a while, but I got lazy and tucked it into a folder on my computer.  Last week’s episode of Mad Men has inspired me to get it together though.  If you saw the episode, you probably know what this is all about.  The blackface.  The throwback to the “good old days” when it was just hilarious (and not at all inappropriate) to mock the darkies.  I’m not exactly sure how I feel about the scene from the show.  It was kind of long and awkward, but perhaps that was the point.  Anyway, it’s not like the writers of the show just pulled that out of thin air.  I bet they didn’t have the song written for the show. As with racist advertising (and as malevolent as), there is a plethora of  good ole “racist” music out there.  Wanna see some?

allcoonsErnest Hogan was a black man. Here are his lyrics:

“All coons look alike to me, I’ve got another beau you see, and he’s just as good to me as you, nig!”

Here’s some back story on Hogan and the song from Wikipedia:
In 1895, black entertainer Ernest Hogan published two of the earliest sheet music rags, one of which (“All Coons Look Alike to Me”) eventually sold a million copies. As fellow Black musician Tom Fletcher said, Hogan was the “first to put on paper the kind of rhythm that was being played by non-reading musicians.” While the song’s success helped introduce the country to ragtime rhythms, its use of racial slurs created a number of derogatory imitation tunes, known as “coon songs” because of their use of extremely racist and stereotypical images of blacks. In Hogan’s later years he admitted shame and a sense of “race betrayal” for the song while also expressing pride in helping bring ragtime to a larger audience.

463px-Cooncooncoon“Coon!  Coon!  Coon! I wish my color would fade.  Coon! Coon! Coon! I’d like a different shade.  Coon! Coon! Coon! Morning, night, and noon, I wish I was a white man ‘stead of a Coon!  Coon! Coon!”

No lyrics for these two, I believe:

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Here’s one that I thought was kind of sweet, yet sad:
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“Mama, are there any angels black like me?  I’ve been as good as any little girl could be.  If I hide my face do you think they would see?  I wonder if they’ll find a place for Little black me.”

re: re: michael

Michael Jackson is still at the forefront of my mind.  I’ve read so many great, and so many not great, articles on Michael’s life and death.  I thought I’d share some of my favorites.

On Michael Jackson: Respite, sadness and memory

by Sean Kirst / The Post-Standard

http://www.syracuse.com/kirst/index.ssf/2009/07/on_michael_jackson_respite_sad.html

Gina Ingram is trying to avoid the endless media recaps of the spectacle and scandal that dominated the last 20 years of Michael Jackson’s life…

…When Ingram was born, her mom was 17. Her dad was gone by the time she was a toddler. With her mother and older brother Zach, Ingram moved from apartment to apartment.

Once they hit school, she and Zach quickly learned what it meant to be biracial in an era when it wasn’t common.

“We were considered freaks of nature,” Ingram said.

Her white relatives didn’t know how to handle her hair. Children routinely offered cruel comments. But Ingram’s mom provided a means of escape: She handed down a love of reading to her daughter, who spent countless hours in her room, alone with books or music.

Ingram always liked Jackson’s work, especially “Ben,” a haunting ballad that seemed to put some of her own childhood sadness into words. In 1982, she used a battered record player to listen to Jackson’s revelatory album, “Thriller.” The vinyl soon became so scratched and worn that she would load pennies onto the phonograph needle to keep it from skipping.

Once school let out, Ingram and her brother would be alone until their mother finished working. “When the date and time of the ‘Thriller’ video (premiere) was announced on MTV — you know, when they used to play videos — we both rushed home, made our daily snack of tea and toast and sat anxiously waiting for it to come on,” Ingram wrote.

The TV was in their mother’s room. They sat side by side at the foot of the bed, astounded by Jackson’s zombie makeup and elaborate dance routine.

To this day, Ingram recalls the look of sheer awe she and Zach exchanged when it was over….

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Colorism: Prejudice seen through a painful prism

By DENEEN L. BROWN
The Washington Post

http://www.thecabin.net/stories/071209/sty_0712090028.shtml

Colorism is the crazy aunt in the attic of racism. If you find it necessary to talk about her at all, do it in whispers among relatives and people who already know about her.

On June 25, when Michael Jackson died, there she was again: colorism, that sub-category of racism and prejudice based on skin color, staring us right in the face.

By the time Jackson died, he was perhaps whiter than any white man that you know. Those who looked at the constant stream of replayed televised interviews, at the pale skin, the thin lips painted red, the straight hair, saw in his face the psychological wound that has scarred so many in the black community.

You line up his album covers, from “Got to Be There” when he was 13 and brown with a big-tooth grin, to “Off the Wall,” when he still had a beautiful nose and a big Afro, to “Thriller,” when his skin was still beautiful brown, but his nose was smaller, to “Bad,” when his nose was even thinner and his skin was white.

“He is an over-the-top manifestation of that undercurrent in the black community,” says Alice M. Thomas, associate professor of law at Howard University. “If you are light, you are all right. If you are brown, you can stick around. If you are black, get back.

Jackson has insisted that his skin faded as the result of vitiligo, a condition that damages the skin’s pigment. But experts say that condition leaves the skin spotted and blotchy. To the outer world, Jackson’s skin appeared consistently white. And before-and-after photos of Jackson tell a deeper story about color discrimination, also known as colorism an intra-racial discrimination among African-Americans.

Colorism began during slavery when darker-skinned blacks were relegated to field work and lighter-skinned blacks, often the children of slave masters, were given housework. For years after, many blacks, some say, internalized the declaration that the lighter one was the better one.

Nobody wants to talk about colorism. And yet everybody talks about it.

“Colorism was venomous because it did so much damage to the psyche,” says Alvin Poussaint, media director at the Judge Baker Children’s Center in Boston and professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. “There was nothing like walking around feeling you are a rejected person, a wretched person, as Frantz Fanon put it in ‘The Wretched of the Earth.'”

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Why Michael Jackson’s Death is Heartbreaking for me… Finally

by Cynthia Boaz

…It had been hard for me to mourn Michael Jackson, because the person the world lost is not the person he was supposed to have been.

And that realization is very sad.

Without making excuses for his eccentricities — or reportedly inappropriate behavior — Michael Jackson’s life and death give us the opportunity to look more closely at ourselves as a society. What did we do to him? What does it say about us? What can we learn from it?

Take a moment to think about the destructive forces that pulled at him constantly, from the first time he appeared onstage — all the horrors of celebrity: commercialism, consumerism, superficiality, disconnection, judgment. What gentle soul could bear that never-ending barrage? The truth is we wanted a freak to gawk at, to mock in the vain hope of filling up a void in ourselves. We were like bullies on the playground, kicking the shy, slightly weird kid when he was down.

Looking back, it seems that Michael Jackson was always searching for an identity that we would embrace, and that he, ultimately, would also accept. It was an impossible task, because the Michael Jackson we wanted was a specter, an ideal. So with each rejection, he recoiled and tried again harder the next time. He was lonely, so we exploited it. He was kind, so we twisted it. He was brilliant, so we marginalized it. At the end of his life, it seems that Michael himself did not know who he was, and that is why to us now, he remains an icon, a caricature of himself. And we all have a part in that. Maybe — at the end of the day — he was just too sensitive for this world.

At first glance, what made us uncomfortable about Michael Jackson in the later years was how severely he diverged from what we understand to be normal. But who amongst us hasn’t searched for identity? For acceptance? For love? Who hasn’t struggled with intense loneliness and a desire to connect?

Because of our role in his own understanding of himself, how we respond to Michael Jackson’s death reflects on us as a culture and a people. There is a conventional wisdom that when you point a finger at someone, there are three pointing back towards you. Those who take the sadness of his death to cruelly rebuke Michael Jackson for his oddities transparently reveal their own pathetic insecurities.

The spectacle we made of Michael Jackson’s life shouldn’t be repeated in his death. Perhaps it’s time for us to ponder our role in the destruction of the person that Michael Jackson was meant to be. Perhaps we should use this as an opportunity to heal ourselves as a culture. Perhaps it’s time to turn off the television reality shows, cancel the subscription to celebrity gossip magazines, and take a few moments out of the day to be conscious of the effect our attention — positive and negative — has on the people around us.

And to paraphrase a well-known person of great compassion, let s/he who has never felt the sting of rejection or the despair of loneliness cast the only stones.

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The memorial is about to start.  I still can’t believe this is happening.  I have been listening to MJ non-stop.  Still watching everything they’re offering on tv.  This video is probably my favorite tribute I’ve come across so far…

I also came across some of Nancy Malnick’s personal photos of Michael at parties and family gatherings.  These are from a ’70s themed party she and her husband Al threw…

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I love those pictures so much for some reason.  It’s the first time I’ve thought “He’s so cute” of the ‘white’ Michael Jackson.

This week “The Girl is Mine” has emerged as one of my top 3 Michael songs.  I keep listening to it over and over.  Maybe because it sounds like it could be a duet in a musical.  Now I want to write a musical with MJ music.  I’m sure someone more qualified than I has almost finished such a project.  I hope so.

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Time to watch the big send off. I so wish I could be there. I am in spirit. So is Michael.

re: michael

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So, it’s been five days.  This living in a world without Michael Jackson thing.  I’m still trying to wrap my brain around it.  I’ve been absent minded and forgetful in my preoccupation with this.  Or are they the same thing? Anyway.  He’s gone.  And he came to a tragic end.  And that is so sad.  But much of his life was so bright, so brilliant.  I am addicted to Michael Jackson right now.  I only want to hear his music, hear about him, watch his work, listen to his voice.  I can neither confirm nor deny any rumors that I may be bidding on some vintage MJ items on ebay.

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Anyway, it’s quite a trip down memory lane I’m taking.  Not only the thrill I got (quite literally) from Thriller, or nearly burning a hole in a notebook I had with MJ in the yellow vest on the cover by staring at it intensely for hours.  But all the misinterpreted lyrics I would sing at the top of my lungs, and how I just couldn’t wait to get home from school so I could be with my Michael Jackson.  I had it bad, no pun intended.  I just loved him.

I recently stumbled upon the thought that maybe part of the allure was Michael Jackson’s “universal appeal.”  Like McDonald’s, black and white people loved Michael Jackson.  I didn’t get flack from either side about loving him unlike I did for my admiration for Luther (from the whites) and Phil Collins (from the blacks).  I honestly hadn’t realized that he’d integrated mtv.  I’ve also been reminded of how amazed I was by the Black or White video.  Big shocker, right.  I remember seeing it for the first time.  Sitting so close to the tv. Glued.  The whole thing was great!  And then came the end.  The morphing.  And something about it really struck a chord with me and I think I was reminded about the secret and sacred biracial place I’d buried somewhere deep inside of me.  That was magic.  Michael Jackson was magic!

He’d already gotten kinda weird.  Then grew weirder.  Then I just became indifferent.  A fair weather fan.  I never bought into the child molestation stuff, but the surgery and the bleaching were too much.  I am not proud of this.  I’ve been feeling like Michael Jackson sort of sacrificed his life for us.  To give us this wonderful, genius music.  Not to mention the moves.  To inspire us to be the best.  To have no limits.  To be our unique selves.  And while he was cute and we could relate to him, we loved him.  But when the going got tough many jumped ship.  I know it’s a little dramatic, but it is simply how I’ve been feeling about it.

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I’ve also been thinking that the sadness that was in Michael Jackson seems to stem from the reputed verbal abuse from his father.  He never felt loved, good enough, or beautiful.  It seems like something that plagues that family.  I imagine horrible episodes of berating with the children being ridiculed for having dark skin and wide noses.  And for that to matter more than all of the love and adoration in the world, well it must have been really bad.  This has renewed my desire to point out all the negative stereotypes, images, self-images, and limiting beliefs that plague our nation.  I think Michael Jackson is the worst case scenario of how this colorist society, “post-racial” or not, can harm a human being. He went from being the man on the shirt to the man in the shirt.  Barely a recognizable trace of the former.  The eyes tho.  The voice.  A respect and yearning for love and everyone’s right to it.  A will to be the best and break the barriers.  Those things never changed.

From now on I will think of Michael Jackson with a smile.  When I get discouraged I will try to be like Mike.  When someone tells me I can’t, I will.  When someone who may seem troubled or difficult clearly needs love, I will remember Michael Jackson and offer it up.  And when I have a hard time doing all of those things I have a plethora of music from Mr. Jackson to get me through.  Thank you, Michael.

light up the darkness

ella and marilyn

I’m kind of freaking out about this.  As much as I love anyone that I’ve said that said that I love on this blog, I LOVE Ella Fitzgerald!  When it comes down to it, I would rate her #1 vocalist of all time.  A constant on the list of (dead) people I’d like to have dinner with/invite to a dinner party is Ella.  I had no idea about Marilyn!  I just found this story at http://donttouchmymoleskine.wordpress.com/2009/02/18/miguxas-3/

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It’s 1955 and Marilyn Monroe is at the height of her fame. Despite this, she wants to be taken seriously as an artist, like the woman she most admires, jazz icon Ella Fitzgerald, who is also at the peak of her career.

Even though she can’t quite believe her own success, Ella wants more too. She wants the kind of fame Marilyn has. She wants to be in the movies. But to break into Hollywood , she needs to meet the ‘right’ people like the producers and money-men who frequent the ‘living-room of the stars’ Mocambo night club.

But Ella stands no chance of singing at the whites-only Mocambo…until Marilyn steps in and pulls strings like nobody else can!

These two iconic women – both outsiders – come together in an evening of raw emotion and great songs. A true but forgotten moment of American showbiz history re-enacted live on stage.