white mothers of mixed-race children

I want to be a part of this research!  I’ve long been fascinated by the “white mom having” vs. “black mom having” biracial experience.  One similarity I can glean from my own “black mom having” experience and what is written in this article about that of the white mothers is the scrutiny.  I vividly remember my mother’s parenting being scrutinized by the mothers of my white classmates and some of the school faculty as well.

Do Racist Attitudes Hinder Mothers Of Mixed-Race Children?

via, Adapted from materials provided by University of Royal Holloway London, via AlphaGalileo.

Professor Ravinder Barn and Dr Vicki Harman from the Centre for Criminology and Sociology at Royal Holloway, University of London are carrying out research into white mothers of mixed-race children. It is part of a wider study of mixed-race children and young people that has spanned more than two decades.

Parenting as an activity has become the focus for much concern at a policy and academic level, and the experiences of white women mothering mixed-race children is also receiving considerable attention.

Globalisation and migration are playing key roles in determining the social and familial landscape of contemporary western societies. Government statistics in the UK, Canada and the USA point to the increasing racial and cultural heterogeneity and the growth of the mixed-race population. Although many of these families lead relatively trouble-free lives, there is evidence of vulnerability and disadvantage for others in a number of areas including education, health, social care and the criminal justice system.

New and ongoing research was presented at a one day inter-disciplinary research conference, organised by Professor Barn and Dr Harman to disseminate the findings to those working with inter-racial families and to determine the research agenda of the future.


“In the academic and popular discourse, there is now a concern that ‘mixed families’ have become problematised. White mothers in these settings are often subjected to a racialised critical social gaze in a way that their parenting is placed under scrutiny,” said Professor Barn.

Dr Harman added, “Although the growing number of mixed relationships have been suggested to be evidence of a more tolerant society, social significance continues to be attached to relationships involving people from different ethnic backgrounds. White mothers of mixed-parentage children can find themselves dealing with racism directed at their children as well as facing social disapproval themselves”.

The six papers presented at the event explored a range of areas including: the mixed-race landscape in the Canadian context, common themes amongst families experiencing social service involvement, the need to understand the social networks utilized by white mothers in mixed families and historical research looking at government archives to understand the ways in which white women’s role in nation building had been marginalized.

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55 thoughts on “white mothers of mixed-race children

  1. my mom is white, and she often says racist things about blacks even though she depends on them at times at work, such as needing a ride from them.

    she tries to ignore the fact that i am half black, maybe that is her way of making herself feel better about being racist.

    my sister is basically a self hater because my ultra-conservative white family bad mouths blacks. my mom isn’t an ultra conservative and would be a democrat if she voted and all (she doesn’t), but it still irks me when she insults blacks.

    i keep having to remind her that I happen to be half black and to this American society I am a black person, and that people like her keeps contributing to the hard times i have to deal with because of racism.

    she doesn’t care…all she cares about is how whites have to suffer because blacks want equal treatment.

    i am amazed that i came out of my self hating state considering what i have to deal with when it comes to family…too bad my sister refuses to.

    the colorblind theory that whites want to use is not working. it just turned my mom off of dealing with racism. condoning it is just as bad as doing it.

  2. My mom is white, my dad is bi-racial, my parents are divorced. I’m pretty sure the only reason my mom dated my dad was to be “daring” and to have a cute mixed kid. I really resent that still. I think a lot of white women want mixed kids cause they are in style and “so cute”. Its really irresponsible and takes advantage of their children. Not only that, most of them can’t take care of mixed hair, let alone help them with their racial identity, which is really frustrating. I think a lot of insecure white women look for inclusion in the black community by having a mixed child, but never really find it because even many mixed children aren’t included in the black community themselves.

  3. R , mixed kids are welcome in the black community, but they could tell if the childs mother is white because white women dont know how to take care of afro type hair…but you may be right about people having children by blacks or whites, because they want a tan baby…Sometimes the kids are very light with kinky hair and black features..

  4. i also know a white woman with twins that comes from a racist family—her cousins and aunts hardly recognized the girls (sigh) the family ‘lightened up’ later but it was too late; the twins want nothing to do with THEM. The mother still lives with the father and they never married: (20 yrs of living together without a marriage license).The girls have boyfriends now that are mixed themselves but they are from healthier families

  5. I have 2 mixed children- 4 and 6. I am caucasian and their father is Haitian. We are married and even tho I don’t think it really matters, we were married before getting pregnant. Neither child was planned, but loved nevertheless. They are strikingly beautiful. I say nothing about race bc I don’t consider them to be black or white. They are humans. They have never been, nor have I, approached about their race in a negative way. Their teachers tell me they are very intelligent. They have classmates of various cultures even tho the area is predominantly white. I don’t teach them a certain culture nor a certain way to act or be. I allow them to be what they choose. It truly is a shame that there seems to be a need for many people to use labels. I will say that my husband and I have been separated for years and my children live solely with me. This means they spend more time with my caucasian side of the family, but still see their Haitian relatives. Both families are loving and supportive. My immediate family are my babysitters. Even my grandmother, who I have heard say she does not condone interracial relationships previously, loves my children and treats them wonderfully. She also accepts the childrens father. I suppose I have been lucky to not have racial issues. I hope for the future everyone realizes that we all are mixed in one way or another and that none of that matters. :0) Best to all

  6. This white moms need to take better care of their mixed childs hair is ridiculus! I am a white mom of a mixed child. My husband and have a beautiful 2 yr old daughter. If you asked me how to do her hair I would have to say I am still trying to figure it out. I have asked black women for help & because her hair is not as course as most black ppl it hasnt really been very helpful. So please ppl who want to complain write a book or instruction manual. Although I am not black no one could love my black husband and daughter more than me. I just dont know where to start when it comes to my daughters hair. Deal with it or help out. 🙂

  7. I am a mom of three mixed kids. I feel that all of the comments we get about how we don’t know what to do with mixed kids hair is a form of racism. Why is it that I can’t have a conversation with a black woman with out them feeling it necessary to give me advice of one thing or another? When sometimes my daughters hair looks better and neater then theirs???? I thinks it’s just a way to get a jab in any way they can. It’s not right it’s true we are all mixed with something, the only person who’s not mixed is an inbreed and who want’s to be that??? Why would any one have a kid “just for the features”? That’s ridiculous If you feel like that you have your own issues with who you are. Oh and by the way a parent’s real priority should not be the kids hair, but if the kid is happy and healthy yes neat and then looks good but that’s not the priority.

  8. I am “mixed” or a woman of colour or Black. Yes, all these as the world has changed over the years. Born in the 50’s (Montreal, Quebec, Canada) I have seen and heard it all. My mother is White and Catholic and French Canadian (with eastern european ancestry and american ancestry). My father was (he died in the 60’s) “coloured” and today would be referred to as Black by most, however this is not entirely accurate. My father was Native American and African American and British, Irish, Scottish and Dutch ancestry. He was Protestant/Spiritual and English speaking. As you can see race is not as simple as black and white. BTW, mullato is insulting and bi-racial (two races only) excludes people like myself who have a mixed race ancestry. You can’t tell by looking at someone’s skin colour. Hence the term “mixed” or coloured (an almost forgotten term in Canada) which is more accurate.

    Unless and until you are familiar with the history of Blacks in North America and race relations in your City, Province and Country then you are at a loss in raising children of African American, African Canadian, Carribean or Black backgrounds. It is about culture and socialization which is different in each group, language and occasionally religion.

    Bye the way, there is no such thing as half black/half white, or 1/3 this or that. You are what you are and who you are. You identify with those most like you racially, socially and culturally. White mothers who have lived in a white environment, are socialized white and culturally white are at a loss to be able to fully understand what it is to walk int he shoes of their children who are of mixed race. I have had many conversation with my own white mother who still is surprised at what I experience as a woman of colour in today’s world and in the city in which I live.

    As I have fair coloured eyes and my skin colour is no longer brown (like Michael Jackson my skin colour has lightened over the years, but my hair colour has darkened), I am well spoken and as I have no carribean roots and am born in Canada (like my parents, and grandparents, and great-grandparents, and great great grandparents) I have no accent I have been privy to more racial slurrs and racial remarks than I care to remember.

    My mother discouraged me from dating Blacks and does not consider herself racist. She did not make any effort to teach me about my roots or my fathers family. If you choose to have children with another person from another country, another race, another culture you owe it to your children to teach them all about it. Racism is alive and well in the world and if you think you can burry your head in the sand and think your Black children do not have to deal with racism because YOU are white or they are human beings…. you are fooling yourself. There are racists out there and you have to educate your children on how to deal with racism. Being white you are naturally at a disadvantage never having to cope with racism growing up and in the ways that your children will have to.

    I married a man of colour and have Black children (not bi-racial or mixed). I know from where I speak. White mothers are at a disadvantage and sadly they will pass the disadvantage on to their children if they do not educate themselves on race relations. When you see a black person you don’t think is their mother white or black. I can tell you after speaking with a person of colour I can tell in the way they are socialized. Inside the Black community (which is a rainbow) we know. Good luck!

  9. I think it is important for white mothers of mixed black/white children to reach out to the black side of that child’s family if at all possible or black friends for guidance. Learn about the black side of your child’s heritage so you can be informed. Make sure your child has black dolls, black magazines, etc. and is exposed to their culture whatever that may be. Make sure they know that black is beautiful, that they are beautiful. Like the previous poster said, this colorblind talk is nice in theory, but it sounds like cultureblind coming from white folks. There is nothing WRONG with being black any more than there is anything wrong with being white. Your child will learn plenty about whiteness. Make sure they learn about being black.

  10. To Ashley…if you don’t know how to do your daughter’s hair, then you should LEARN instead of being defensive.

    Biracial children can have hair of different textures. Some have straight or wavy hair, some have tight curls, some have frizzy hair, and some have kinky hair.

    Different hair types require different kinds of care. BTW…I am a biracial woman with “coarse” hair, as you referred to it.

    It depends on your daughter’s individual hair type. Learn how to take care of it. The Internet can be very helpful.

    To Melissa…no, it is NOT racist to say that many white mothers don’t know how what to do with the hair of their mixed-race children.

    It is often true. Does this mean that the white mothers are bad people or that they don’t love their kids? No. But it means that they need to be more understanding about issues like this.

    Learn how to apply conditioners and cremes to keep your child’s hair healthy. Tell them that their hair, their skin, and their heritage is beautiful. Don’t pretend to be “colorblind”. Be realistic about the world around you. Remind them that they are wonderful no matter what anyone says.

    There will always be people, from the playground to the office, who will try to make them feel ashamed of who they are. Instill confidence and a sense of self-worth.

  11. hi. i don’t know exactly, but i have to assume it was a random google image search that led me to the picture. would you like me to take it down? i’m sorry if this has upset you in any way!!

  12. nah u dont have to pull it… i have people using my images for nefarious reasons all over the net… this is def not one of those instances… u can continue to use it (just act like its this is all new and ask for permission lol) its all good 😉 .. btw, thats ennes, cecil (deceased) and me, albert…

  13. ohhh annnnd, my mom had NO idea what to do with my hybrid hair… i didnt learn how really get the most out of my hair till i got into my 30’s

  14. I am a devoted white mother to 8 Native American children. I am filing a “no-fault” divorce .Upon divorce, my husband plans to immediatley move to his reservation where, they have their own laws. I am terrified he will take our children and I will never be able to get off that federal land. we have lived in our little town just over 5 yrs. the kids attend school and church here, they are a part of the native american programs at school and are well knitted into this community. Neither of us has family close except he has one native sister and her non native husband living in a nearby town. please help me. i do not wish to keep him away from his children, they love their dad.. i just dont want to lose them to a land exempt from most of our laws…due to race. what can i do? where do i start? please help me or send me to someone who can! thank you, H. Crawford

  15. yea i came across this thread on google and just decided to read it. i’m really glad both my parents are white because i do not have any confusion. i don’t think i could stand being half one race and half another. I feel bad for some of your kids. its called identity… they have to pick one side of the family to associate with. either they become stupid ass ghetto blacks or they become self hating blacks. neither of which are good so i would wish none of that on my children. you all are just selfish, mixed children just sounds terrible. and some dumb post said make sure your children hear about ‘black’ stuff (like BET, black dolls, black magazines, etc.)… well that’s dumb because they are half black and that shows up more physically, so they are more likely to associate themselves with being black. their schools will help them plenty enough with realizing why white people are the devil and blacks are god’s people so don’t worry too much about that. these posts reinforced much of my racism, so enjoy breeding out the white race that built this country and enjoy medicare/medicaid/food stamps/ & other welfare programs now, because after the whites are gone… who the fuck will pay for that shit the entire black community enjoys the benefits from?
    And too think that this all came from a google search of whether of not jason kidd was half black or white. thanks a lot for ruining my day 🙂

  16. there was study done on Black mothers and their experience with racism and how it affects their birth. The babies born of Black women were more likely to have low birth weight/ higher infant mortality even when you controlled for health, education and income. So basically the white mothers in the study go through what Black women have always gone through and continue to go through…regardless of the race of the father, but the wombs of Black mothers are not prized the same as white mothers in general.

  17. i am mixed race i was raised by my white mother in a white community in the north of England. There were no other races around me no Asian no Indian no Arabian no black nothing just Caucasian. i suffered racism and ignorance everyday i was mentally brutalized stereotyped judged and labelled. i didn’t know what a comfort zone was. i didn’t know how to express what i was feeling and became very bitter and resentful. i was treated by my family as a white kid in a black body almost like i had a disease for example i heard constantly “we love you just the same as the other kids even though you’re black”. school friends would say “we just see you as normal” so black was put out there as a set back. by the time i was a teenager i was fighting daily with the world i was tired and worn down. i would never fit in i would never feel accepted and at this point i no longer wanted to. Being called a nigger or a black bastard was normal to me and no longer had an effect when i did try to talk to my family the reaction i got was anger and my family acted as though i was ungrateful even paranoid. needles to say at 15 i hopped on a train to the city and never looked back i have minimal contact with my family now. i live in a very diverse community. i have children of my own that are mixed although one has “the white advantage” and i will live where they are comfortable so far they have not been the victim of any racial slurs. although because of my one child’s light complexion some children ask how can that be your mom if you are white. ignorance is barely tolerable but i believe it is part of every society. As a mother of any color or race it is your obligation to protect your child. my mother failed me. If she would have moved out of her comfort zone into a community that at least had some other races maybe my childhood would not have been so traumatizing. but she would not even attend an all black event because she would feel awkward but i was expected to deal with this everyday as a child????

  18. me i am filipino,irsh,scottish,dutch,puerto rican on my dad side and jamaican,haitian,dominican,and native american on my mom’s side!

  19. Iwish I could take a horsewhip to all the stupid,filthy sleazy dirty rotten white bitches fucking niggers and making these hideous mullattoes!!!!! Fuck you all you welfare parasites!! Why dont you move to africa or Haiti if you love niggerz so much:Get out of my country you flLthy cunts!DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  20. i am mixed i was born 1986 in west memphis arkansas. i grew up not knowing but i was raised by the most wonderfull people.thay i see as my family. i got the age of 21 and sumthang didnt set rite with me. and i ask my mom and she told me kuz it botherd me and found out i was adopted.and all i know is she white.and she gave me up kuz her dad was racies.but it bothers me to this day.and i alwayz keep telling myself she might be looking for me.and one day i will see her.and my father that i do not know. but to my mom and dad that raise me form the age of 4months i love u so much and thanks for being there.i need ur help if u kan to help me find that peace in my life that i need.

  21. d jackson you are not afro american ..but you are a fool……all of us should go back to africa thats where we all came from including you .

  22. Greetings:

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    Johnny Williams, a debonair likeable young graduate student, raised by a loving adoptive elderly couple started his life journey as an abandoned one day-old, in a basket left at a Westchester church-front. His birth mother was a teenage blond blue-eyed student who returned to her university in California; unable to find peace, even later as a professional magazine editor. Due to Johnny’s hair being peculiarly tangled from birth, he’s forced to permanently keep his hair in braids and to adopt the name DADA because he firmly believes his birth mother must have been from West Africa. His university degree course in Social Anthropology may have been subconsciously driven by his burning desire to find the mother that abandoned him at birth. His fascination with the Yoruba culture leads him on some adventurous travels with many twists and turns while he is also privileged to meet and make friends with some elderly intellectuals along the way.
    JOURNEY OF HOPE OR DESTINY adopts Yoruba philosophical worldview to narrate a story that reflects the global influence of race and social construct on different cultures.

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    Best Regards
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  23. My mother is white and my fahter is a coloured man!Now I’m just trying to figure out what race am I?.Can anyone help me please?

  24. You are a mixed race person or you may be able to present yourself as one or the other. The best thing I would do is be all you can be and create yourself to be all you want to be and more. Most inportant is how you feel, how you treat other people and what legacy will you leave after you are gone to the other world.

  25. I am white, my boyfriend is black and I live in Alabama. I just had a beautiful little girl named Lizzy on December 20th, and I have many questions about the future. Although I am nervous about some of the obstacles my little southern interracial family will face, I don’t worry because my boyfriend and I know what we are up against down here. I will just teach her that she is unique and beautiful. I plan to raise a very open minded well versed young lady and I know it can only get easier with experience. And the little hair situation…. Her hair is soft and curly so far, so I’m just going to find a shampoo/conditioner line for mixed curls and see how it goes. Some white women can’t even do their white kids hair, so I think that just has to do with being lazy. Trial and error is the only way to learn sometimes. As for the racist mo fos… I wish everybody was open minded but some people will just remain ignorant. All I can do is pray for them! Worry about your own children and don’t criticize mine!!! And the BS about just wanting to have cute children??? I love my boyfried for who he is, not his genetic contribution to my child. Even though she IS the most beautiful little girl on the planet. 🙂 Peace and love!

  26. I have combed through an insurmountable amount of comments and quite frankly am exausted. As a mother of biracial children, I am still at a loss for the ignorance observed on both sides of this debate. There are two major contributing factors that are essential to teach these children.

    First, we are defined not by the color of our skin. We are spiritual and humanity. Therefore those that are superficial and make presuppositions as such are not secure within themselves. My children know that our souls are translucent, when saved they are luminous like a star. Leaving the bonds of flesh where we are not divided by such nominal attributes. Those of every race, tribe, nation are all one in humanity. We do not live in the bitter bondage of striving for purpose based on flesh, but that of spirit. Hate has no place in the hearts and minds of those reaching for higher ground.

    Second, history falsely taught has strengthen the divide. Out of over 200 thousand men women and children who came to support Martin Luther King Jr during his speech in DC, almost half were white. Many of those who supported the civil rights movement were white women. White women just fought that battle themselves. They were treated like chattel, husbands could beat their wives to death and suffer little to no consequense as they were viewed as property as well. MLK is portrayed as only a civil rights leader. But what got him killed was his anti war sentiments. He knew JFK was killed for coming out against these secret societies that are running the world today. MLK saw this was a war on poor blacks/whites/minorities in America. At every turn I see history being covered up by those who wish us to forget. Who took land by force from Native Americans Who have used Asians to build the railroads for the rockafellers, who used poor whites to pump oil for Standard oil, who used blacks as slaves and white men as indentured servants, who used poor Europeans, Irish, Polish etc to facilitate the industrial revelation, who funded JP Morgans dynasty. When we hate, they win. You fools bicker about race as if we were not part of humanity, while they send our children off to war under the pretense of sovereignty. No such thing, they place our children in harms way because they make trillions off war and hate. The Rothschilds/bankers fund both sides of the war. They keep us so busy hating each other and ourselves because it is profitable for them. I refuse to stoop to such a level.

    As a nurse I love all my patients. We are born in the skin we are, we bleed, cry, hurt die all the same. I do not press upon the past. You can not fly if you are chained to the torment of the past. We look forward with great fortitude, pressing on to the goal that is before us in this lifetime. How quickly we are willing to take up arms instead of peace, hate in place of understanding. In turn we teach our children the differences and superiority or inferiority. As a single white woman with biracial children, the rejection comes from both races, but more so from blacks. As I tell my children, it is no ones fault if you do not succeed in this life but your own. Just because you do not have a father does not give you liberty to fail. White, black, purple, pink, you can and will if you set your mind to do such. If you stumble, get back up. If you feel defeated you will be. Success in not a measure of wealth, but that of character and moral conviction. Children of all races blame their problems and failures on another, because that is what they see modeled. Society lacks the ability to cope and take responsability for the outcome of their actions. This is what mothers/fathers really need to be teaching our children.

    It is assumed because I am white, I had it easy. I had/have less help than most single mothers of both ethnicities. I have little to no extended family and had to figure out for myself how to provide for these children. I went to work and school, my children in daycare 70 hours a week. My strength was in the Father, my mind set firm on the things above. The stereotypes of the weakness of women are appauling. Women would do better to come together than facilitate this dissent. While we are independent, we need to respect the good men that are out there. We need to reject superficiality, strengthen self image. Men place expectations on women to look a certain way and cast them off as trash, yet these men end up with a stroke or incapacitated, they expect the same women to care for them. Women using their bodies to seduce faithful men from their wives. I say all this because it starts with the parents actions and responses. We have very real character issues that need to be addressed instead of mindless superficial banter about unkept hair or tonation of skin. If we are unhappy with the pool of men/women in society, then we must raise up children with moral integrity instead of lamenting the current state.

    To some of the single mothers of biracial children, I know. The struggle is filled with rejection and assumptions on many a part. I teach my children to identify with faith and leadership, not a race. The most important beauty is inner beauty. You yourselves are not damaged goods, but a becon of universal love. If I or you are to be ostracised and withheld love and exceptance because of the choice to marry without constraint, latter to find our spouse was unable to succumb to the outside pressures as well, so be it. The inner strength of this burden you shoulder alone will make you stronger if you allow it. As I tell my children, a beautiful diamond is formed under the most intensive pressure. They to will shine and be a becon of hope for humanity.

  27. The Bible teaches a mongrel(a bastard) shall not enter the assembly of the lord. White women who have been brainwashed that’s its trendy to be a racial sellouts and have interacial babies come out your nasty butt is this. The fact is once you go black,We don’t want you back. Your a reject and like esau in the bible, You despised your birthright(race) and committed Racial adultery. all of your mix race children will be anti-white at the end of the day. Despite black male on white women rape is very high, Your so dumb in your effort to be cool and trendy chose be a racial sellout because you chose comfort then to suffer with us as a race. Shame on you, interracial slut whores are the worse of all women. Many single white males don’t have wives today because of sellouts like you.

  28. Oh, lol. Thank god I did the sensible thing and stuck to my race. My white son is the most beautiful thing in this world, and he will never have the issues you people have made for your own children.

  29. Do Racist Attitudes Hinder Mothers Of Mixed-Race Children? Reading these comments, I would definitely say yes! Assuming all white women who have mixed race children do so because they are cute or ”trendy” is racist, and well just absurd. Pretending that your children are nothing more than “human” is ignorant. I realize such comments come out of love and a sense of protection for one’s child, but as someone pointed out, mixed race children will be faced with racism and need to know about that. Having a marriage license is of no importance as lots of white/white couples have no marriage licenses, that has nothing to do with race or mixed race children. Not teaching children about their racial heritage and culture, and pretending these don’t exist or matter is just ignorant. Calling white woman with mixed children “cunts” and telling them to “die” is racist, sexist and hateful. Calling white women who have mixed race children “sell outs” is hateful and racist. Pretending God judges people on race is racist, hateful and mistaken. Clearly, some of the comments made here were made simply to hurt White women who have mixed race children, so yes, I would say that racism, ignorance, stereotyping and other negative attitudes do hinder mothers of mixed-race children.

  30. God never made a mulatto.

    Only demented whores who hate their fathers, hate themselves, and hate the world do.

    They’re like gays in that regard.

  31. I am half native american and half white but was raised only by my native side. i have a beautifully mixed 19 month old daughter who is starting to have the texture of her hair change. I already knew not to wash it everyday (something my aunties taught me) and i can fix hair (braids, twists,etc) i have been fixing hair for a REALLY long time (but mainly native hair) i don’t want my princess walking around looking crazy like her mama doesn’t care, but i don’t want to damage her hair either. Its a mixed texture, thick loose ringlets on the top, than a mix of thick and thin but fragile more course hair in the back. Would a satin pillow help her? I never want her to be self conscience because she is different than ohers in one way or another. Any tips or suggestions are greatly appreciated. I would also like to address something. To all the people who are commenting negatively about children of a mixed race, You should be ashamed of themselves. I am proud to be more than one ethnicity and am blessed that i was raised with respect, values, and the honor of knowing my culture as it was from the beginning. While reading those ugly posts it made me so grateful tht i wasn’t around my white relatives growing up. There is TONS of things i could say about white folks as a whole and they would be true but im not about to lower my standards to that. If that’s what it means to be white than i didn’t miss a damn thing growing up!!! I thank my creator that he blessed me with such a beautiful princess. I am even more grateful and blessed for the wisdom to raise her to accept and embrace diversity and to not be so simple minded that she feels its necessary to have to be-little an entire race of people just to try and make herself feel superior.
    Back to important things that actually matter, i could really really use some input and suggestions about my beautiful princesses changing hair texture so she won’t be ‘a mixed child whose mom doesn’t know what they’re doing’. Everything i have tried so far either makes her hair look extra oily (I’ve tried an olive oil spray by ‘just for me’) or it seems to just dry out and not look like there was anything used in it (my latest product was a leave in conditioner by Johnson’s) …. back to searching the web i go. Again i appreciate any and all suggestions!!

  32. My husband and i are of European descent, while my sons are black (adopted).

    We adopted them after being their Foster Parents (God moves in wonderful ways! We had been ‘happily childless’ prior to our sons coming into our lives). Both of us had the benefit of growing up in metropolitan cities with diverse ethnicities, so the color of our children’s skin never was a hindrance to our loving and accepting them. We weren’t so niave, however, as to think we would not need to be VERY INTENTIONAL in raising our sons to embrace and be proud of their ethnicity.

    We have consulted black friends on black skin/hair care. Our boys currently have locks which I started and maintain, and which get MANY compliments everywhere we go! I find pure, unprocessed shea butter from Africa to be an essential product in hair/skin care. I use it myself! It is considered the most emollient substance on Earth. For hair and skin I ‘thin’ it with 100% Organic Coconut Oil, some Jojoba oil, and whatever essential oil I want as scent (or none). When tightening their locks I use the Shea Butter, Lock and Twist Gel and hair wax to help the new growth ‘lock’.

    When the boys were babies they had long, curly hair, and a friend suggested using regular conditioner and leaving it in their hair. That worked well. As they got older and their curls tightened, I kept using the conditioner and just dampened their hair each morning, finger combing any tangles out. A hair pick would help get their hair ‘symmetrical’.

    I know skin/hair care is super important within the Black community. I embrace and respect that. My children are proud of their rich skin tonality and their hair. That’s not to say that they haven’t been called the ‘N word’. My one son has had ‘friends’ call him this in heated moments on the football field…..followed by “Just kidding…..”. I’ve been adamant in expressing to both boys that racial slurs are NEVER ok, and they should forcefully tell their ‘friends’ this. I also have told them “Our of the heart the mouth speaks”, so beware what’s lurking within man’s soul. We’ve discussed what these other children must be hearing at home and at family gatherings. We understand that racism is born out of ignorance, and that if a racist had just one person of the ‘hated ethnicity’ as their friend, they could no longer hate that ethnicity. So our family are ambassadors, of sorts. We try not to take offense easily, yet there are certain absolutes about what’s ok and what’s not ok in how others treat us and the language they use.

    We don’t pretend that we are the same skin tones in our family. We do look to God in all things, and we thank Him for the diversity He planted in nature, in humans and in the universe. I am personally indebted to the Black community for the wonderful contributions our world has received through Black inventors, educators, musicians, politicians, comedians, businessmen and women, athletes, etc. We have made a point of collecting books and movies on these subjects for our family’s enrichment, and have made these available to the school and friends to enlighten others. As it’s been age-appropriate we’ve also shared the past history of Black people in the U.S. We’ve discussed slavery here and elsewhere. We’ve discussed Jim Crow, gone to museums to see what it was like back in the day. We’ve explained the dangers and threats to Blacks simply because of the melanin in their skin, and we’ve told our boys that as black men they will be statistically more likely to be pulled over by the Police than other ethnic groups. We’ve cried when telling them these things, as it’s heartbreaking to look into your child’s innocent eyes and try to explain that there are haters in the world who don’t even know them, but wish them harm. We walk a fine line, and we pray fervently for our children’s well-being and safety, now and in the future.

    As for the comments above, all I can say is there is one RACE of man…..the HUMAN RACE. The stupidity within men’s sinful hearts has led to hatred and division, and I choose not to participate. I won’t hide my head in the sand, but I look on the haters of this world with pity. My God has a plethora of colors He uses in all His creation……How sad, how boring, to think that He wouldn’t use that same diversity in His crowning achievement……MAN!!!!!!!

  33. hi! i like your “back to important things that really matter.” have you read Teri LaFlesh’s Curly Like Me for hair care tips? She’s great!

  34. Geez, I really can’t believe people are STILL out about this issue. I gotta hear this my whole life? Really? Just wow, you know? WTH? What is so wrong, or so frightening? What is going to happen if the world is mixed? The incredibly ignorant ones don’t realize everyone is mixed somewhere along the line, and usually not too far back. They need to stop watching whatever the 1% is feeding them on TV and get educated, for real. Dum de dum dum DUMMMB! El stupido!!

  35. I’m a white guy and I love black women. They’re just absolutely stunning. I’m gonna marry a black woman and love her and treat her like a queen. GOD, thank you for black women.

  36. I hope some of you realize exactly how ignorant you sound talking about white women can’t do their mixed children’s hair. I am Italian and Sicilian and my son is mixed with Black, his hair is always very well taken care of and in place. I do have to switch hair products often since his hair is still changing, he’s only 18 months. I have taken care of my friend’s mixed children hair. There are alot of black mothers that don’t know how to do mixed children hair because it is so different its not white its not black its a mixture and that mixture can be completely different from child to child. To say that women are only have mixed babies is because they’re cute or in style is absolute garbage! Ever think that these women are just attracted to the opposite race? I personally have never been with anyone whose white. I don’t know why but I’ve never been attracted to them, not because it’s cool. I have had to deal with racism because of my prior relationships and have had to deal with it after having my son. Nobody ever voiced it but I got those nasty looks because my son is pretty dark. I love my son more then myself and he is my world. How about we just stop all the bs ignorance and join together. No matter what your race or background is? My son will be taught that a person is a person no matter what they look like or what they believe everyone is equal. He will know both of his backgrounds and heritage, but neither will be more important since they are both equal.

  37. I hate it when people use the bible and God to defend their racists ways; if God will strike and punish anybody, you surely will be the one, and I pray he does that too, as you are making people’s life miserable. In for a penny; in for a pound, the saying goes, if you want to marry outside your race, do it for the right reasons, because it will certainly not be easy, and most at times it is done for all the wrong reasons, and the consequences are sometimes more than was expected.

  38. This portion of the website is where I think about aborting. This poor baby, her hair is her doom

  39. I’m mixed. Black and white. My mother is white. Dad was/is black. I never knew him. Never knew his family either. She, my mother, did not acknowledge the racism that went on in our neighborhood when I was in grade school and was directed at me as well as her. She chose to turn her back on it and pretend that it wasn’t an issue. It’s one thing to ignore something by standing up to it or not being fearful of it but quite another thing to ignore an issue out of fear with no intention of confronting it or finding a way to defeat it in a positive way. We were the only mixed family that I knew of in town for nearly the entire time that we lived there. It’s hard to say for certain whether I would have turned out for the better or worse if I had had my Dad in my life while growing up but I think it would have done more help than harm. I would have been exposed to a stability that I think can make a huge difference in the development of an individual.
    Another poster, well maybe several posters above mentioned that they are mixed and had white family who did not acknowledge the issues with racism that they went through and even blamed them for it or became angry towards them for it. In my case there was ignorance and the issue was practically invisible. Family did not discuss it with me or talk about it in front of me. I imagine that they had conversations when I wasn’t around. I think they wanted me to be happy and successful but I am pretty sure they didn’t consider me their equal at least not some of them and their idea of happiness was for me to find a way to assimilate into white culture and not black culture. This meant the way I talked, dressed, the music I listened to, etc. I also did not have a strong role model directly in front of me to show me how not to be afraid or to have confidence in myself. My mother also believed that I should be in church and that it would be the answer to all of my problems while she herself stopped attending at a point and did not seem to be comfortable going on a regular basis. While church had many positive moments for me, it did not help me to resolve things as she had hoped, perhaps created more confusion for me instead. That said, I think that spirituality is incredibly important to life for everyone but people have rigid ideas of what it means to be spiritual and about what you should believe in and how you should go about actively expressing your spiritual side. I think by now, as I am older, I am still convinced that I should get to know my father’s family and that it will make a positive difference in my life no matter what I may find out about them. I have anger surrounding this issue but it is not the type that is debilitating for me personally, although it’s a pretty prominent thing on my mind a lot of the time. The worst thing for me now is that my mother was never willing to be honest with me about herself and about my father. But that is something that I may never be able to change and I have to deal with it. I also have a daughter who is not biracial but multiracial but my own family helped to have her taken away from me. This has broken my heart and something deep inside of me has been taken from me that I can never get back. This may have been my last chance to heal wounds related to my past and especially where it relates to my parents.

    Glad to have found your blog. I have wondered in the past how my life would have been different had I been raised by a mother of a different race, especially a black one. Do you still read all of these comments?

  40. I am a proud, white mother of the most amazing Biracial son. I have never received government assistance, despite the fact the father has never tried to be in my son’s life in any sort of way, including child support. I only write that based on the horrible comments I’ve read, suggesting all white women with biracial kids do not have their act together (I own my own house, car, and am almost finished with my doctorate). I feel judged constantly, but have learned to let it roll of my back like water and have tried to instill that same attitude with my son. Since he has no contact with his “black” side (the grandparents died before he was born, his father got locked up and never tried when out), I have to be the one to explain certain things, and to help him determine what is positive and negative in the black culture. For example, certain rap songs and lyrics are definitely negative and not to be taken seriously. I am lost at words reading some of the comments about white parents basically degrading the black culture, and hope it was just a way for your mother/father to try and show you the bad and good of a culture that they, themselves truly do not know…

  41. We are all the same race…The Human Race….It doesn’t matter what skin you are in:)
    Red and Yellow Black and White they are precious in His sight!

  42. I am a white European who married black African refugees twice and have a daughter from each of them. I married out of love. I was never especially interested in black people or imagined marrying one. It just happened. I tried my best to raise my children in the belief that their skin is no reason for insults, and if anyone ever would say anything, they are dumb people who just look for the first thing they can find in a person to hopefully insult them with. I was the one trying to teach my children the tribal language of the father. Both fathers had zero interest in teaching their children culture or adjust to our traditions. Other children got the usual presents for certain child festivities, their fathers could not care. Their side wanted the children to say that they are black and made them cry with it. When we went to Africa, me and my mixed child was called Oyinbo only, white, nobody cared about our names, they only asked which presents I brought them or asked for money. I really loved those people and saw them as my family, but they lied to me and used me and betrayed me and took all my money and then some. In the beginning I freely supported, in the end I was stolen from. After the divorce I was left with nothing. My second husband was insanely jealous while cheating on me, violent, paranoid, tried to kill me. I lived with death threats for a long time. I lived for my children only. I wanted the best possible life for my children and tried to give them whatever I could and protect them. Now, my first born is grown up. She sees herself as foreigner and her nationality as the country of her father, even though none of them have that citizenship and she was too small to remember that country and has never been there herself. She is smoking weed and dropped out of school, blames all her problems on me, her father is free of fault because he was anyway never there. She is trying to talk into the younger one that I am a racist, that they are black, that I am a bad mother and have been bad for them. It is not that I think I was a perfect mother. I developed ptsd and if I had found anyone able to raise them better than me, I would have been happy for them. But fact was that to my white family I was an outcast for marrying a black. The people from my country constantly call me whore and some of them think I am so low that me being killed would be no loss. My oldest ones is the black fanatic type who calls people racist for calling her beautiful, when they are white. Blacks are welcome to call her the lowest possible thing and it is fine to her. She wants to be with blacks only, only tall and handsome black guys so they can be the most envied facebook couple, says blacks are superior, has no friends who are white, unless they are the white-black type pretending to be black themselves. She is getting model jobs offered. She never had a disadvantage. People dont call black people racial slurs here. But all she does is watch american youtube videos on how to be a black racist. My children can say the most racist things they want, they dont think they are racist. Of course not, only whites can be racists. Even my black men called me racist. What for? No idea, because all I did was love them, support them and their families in Africa, and put up with their cheating and partly with getting beaten and being threatend to be killed in case I want to leave. Unlike other women, I always protected my children and I did not stay in the marriage just to have a man. And btw, I did my best to take care of the hair of my daughters, and how they whined and cried about the combing. But then they went to a black woman doing hair and saw how brutally that one was combing in comparison. Also, when we went to Africa, the children were washed carelessly, with soap rubbed into their eyes, and none of them cried. Then my daughter showed them how to cry for being washed, and they all started to cryyyy. And that is what is happening here with all of your bitching and whining! You supposedly black girls turned into racists with zero respect for their mother. In black culture, the mother is the highest respected one, even if she beats you and sells you into prostitution. That much I learned from seeing it first hand. But you mixed girls? You spit on your white parents. All my life I lived for my children, just to have them poisoned by the nonsense coming from the USA, turning them into seeing racists even in nice people. Go ahead and teach your children that black is beautiful and black is superior and that they should be proud of their skin. But dont complain when the mother next door is teaching her child then that they should be proud of their white skin, because all you want is for everyone to be racist. I have not been racist when I was 18 and met my first boyfriend and later husband. My white family did not teach me to be racist, it was black people who taught me to not see us as equals any longer. Good luck with your whining and teaching your kids to be racist as well! I will not be that dumb anymore to believe the lies of a black. Did I forget to mention that? My children obviously inherited the character of their fathers. I taught them to be honest and that stealing isnt worth the risk, and I gave them as much as I could as single mother, and still they complained, it was never enough, and they lied to me and stole to get more. They lie without blinking. They have no respect. They are even violent towards me. They have developed into hood rats without us having any hoods here. Thank you, America!

  43. It is everyone;s right to do as they wish. With that being said personally I want have sex with a cow, Horse ,dog etc. At the end of the day you live with your choices.

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