Today is Amy Grant’s birthday. I won’t be baking her a cake today as I did in my youth, but I thought I’d post this Amy anecdote that I came across while surfing the internets. The excerpt is a retelling of a bit from a recent Lewis Black stand-up routine found here. Happy Birthday, Amy!
Last night, Black told a story that lasts about 10 minutes. By the 10th minute, the audience response was a tidal wave of laughter.
The bit centered on Black following country music superstar Vince Gill to the stage during a USO show in Afghanistan. There were 8,000 troops in attendance, and, as Black said, “They were all just crazy about Vince Gill, who is a country western legend. Let me tell you something about country western music: A lot of it is, well, s—! Even people who are country western music fans have to admit that a lot of it is, well, s—! Some of it’s good. The rest of it is based on old episodes of ‘The Jerry Springer Show.’ ”
Gill opened his 30-minute set with a song.
“Thirty seconds into this song, I had a feeling come over me that is the same feeling I get when I am taking a bath and the water temperature is just right,” Black said. “The song was that (effing) beautiful.”
Gill then told a story.
“The story was funny! So, he’s funny, too. And he was clean,” Black said. “The son of a bitch can sing, he’s funny, and he’s clean. I’m offstage, going over my material, taking out all the profanity. I’m left with 4 ½ minutes of stage time!”
Gill then brought out his wife.
“If you don’t know who Vince Gill is married to, then you should be,” Black glowered. “His wife is Amy Grant, the most beautiful Christian singer in all of Christiandom. She sings like an angel, she is beautiful, and she is filled with cream! With these two onstage, being angelic and basking in their angelic Christian love, I was willing to accept Jesus Christ as my personal savior, just to get the crowd behind me!”
Gill then sang a song inspired by his father.
“Vince Gill wrote this song in tribute to his dead father,” Black called out. “Now, who isn’t going to like this song about his dead father? Nobody! I thought, ‘I’m screwed. I don’t have time to go out and kill mine!’ The title of this song is ‘It’s Hard to Kiss the Lips at Night That Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long.’ Face it,that’s (an effing) funny title! And we have a profanity we can use: ass! Oh, hee-hee! Vince Gill has established the one profanity I can use. Great!”
With the troops roaring, Gill and Grant finally left the stage.
“So now it’s, ‘Let’s hear what the aging Jewish guy has to say!’ ” Black shouted. “I only wanted one thing: for the person who decided I should be following Vince Gill to appear onstage, too, so this person canshare this experience with me!”